My Self Worth

So there is an amazing letter in the Huffington Post that Jennifer Aniston wrote.  It is about how she is not pregnant, but really about much more.  She talks about, not only the body shaming we have as a society, but also how women are looked down on for not having a husband and children.  Go read it, I'll wait.

I'm 40.  I'm not married.  I don't have children.  And I'm overweight.  On top of everything else, I have 3 cats, so, yes, I am a cat lady. 

I hit all points that she was talking about.  And I do feel it from time to time from strangers, family, and friends. 

"Don't you want to get married?"
"Kids would make your life so much better!"
"If you lose some weight, you might find a man."

Yes, I have heard all of that, to my face.  You know what I tell them?  I'm happy!  And really I am, but like everyone, I have those moments of self doubt.  Maybe if I lose 20 or 30 or 50 pounds, I'll be more happy.  In truth I have lost that weight and was no happier then I am now.  In fact, I was more miserable being so caught up in obsessing over everything I ate, even weighing myself multiple times a day.  I couldn't go out for dinner without knowing where we were going at least the day before.  And they had to have an online menu so I could plan out everything I ate that day.  I do try to eat more sensibly, but I want to enjoy life.

To tell you the truth, I have never wanted kids.  I never babysat when I was a teenager.  I have never changed a dirty diaper in my life.  And really, I have never been around kids for more then an hour at a time.  It's not that I don't like them, I just never saw myself as a mother.  Though I have always said, if it happened accidentally I'd be thrilled.  Really I would.  Cause my kid would be awesome!

Now while I never thought I would have kids, I always thought I would fall in love and get married.  Well, I've fallen in love a few times, but never married.  While I always thought it would be nice to have someone around to talk to, to share the chores and the errands, I'm actually really happy living by myself.  I get to choose what to watch, to go to bed and wake up whenever I want without disturbing anyone.  And the best part, I get the whole bed to myself.  Well, sort of.  The cats do like to sleep on top of me.

Those negative thoughts do creep in though.  I have suffered from bouts of depression throughout my life, so it's very easy for me to get swept up and get sad about it all.  It's really easy to let the media swarm my head with the latest diet fad or exercise craze.  Or who married who or who just had a baby and how their life is just perfect.  I just try to process my sadness and remind myself that I have a fabulous life. 

I'm 40.  I'm not married.  I don't have children.  I'm overweight.  And I love my life!